모두모두 뭐하구 계시나요?아줌마님이 넘 조용하신것 같아요.비너스님은 그분은 안오신 모양이고 난닝구맨님^ ^ 은 언제쯤에 오실라구....모두 주말엔 더 바쁘시겠죠? 전 반쯤찬 물컵 처럼 공황이 온것도 아니고 안온것도 아닌 것 처럼 지난주를 보냈답니다.그래서 힘들기도 했고 지낼만도 했죠.모든게 생각하기 나름이라니까 괜찮다고 자꾸자꾸 생각했죠.그래도....안왔음 좋았을걸 왜 왔을까 하는 원초적 의문이 사라지질 않네요.마치 공황이 안왔다면 지금쯤 모든게 다 좋고 행복할것 같은데 지금의 나의 불행은 모두 공황 탓인것같죠.아니라는거 알아요.^ ^ 그냥 뭐든 안되면 남 탓하듯 그놈을 탓해 보는거예요."지금 김영주씨가 가지고 있는 불행이 뭡니까?" 하는 원장님의 말씀이 들리는 듯 하네요.사실 그런것도 딱히 없거든요.공황만 빼면요.처음 공황이 왔을때 뭔지도 모르고 나 죽는구나 ...만약 다시 살수만 있다면 정말 열심히 착하게 살거야 했는데 그렇게 살지 못하고 있는거 같아요.매일매일 이기심과 질투심,쓸때없는 자존심 땜에 머리가 지끈지끈 하거든요.다 알면서 왜 버리지 못하는지...미련하게도 말이죠.오늘은 즐건 일요일 이니 오늘을 계기로 다시 새 사람이 되어야 겠어요.  늘 생각해오던 멋진 사람으로 말이죠.작심삼일 이어도 뭐 삼일뒤에 또 작심하면 되니까요.괜찮겠죠? 자! 그럼 다같이 예쁜엄마의 멋진모습에 빠져 봅시다!!!