나의 첫 공황체험은 15년전 전철안에서  그당시 나는 극심한 스트레스로 몸과 마음이 많이 허약해져있었다 전철안에 앉아있는데 갑자기 가슴이 답답 숨을 잘 쉴 수가 없었고 온몸에 힘이 빠지며 식은땀이 나고 몸이 떨리까지 속이울렁울렁`~죽을 힘을 다해 집에 왔는데 구토에 설사를 그리고 시간이 얼마나 흘렀을까 서서히 증세가 가라앉았다 나는 단순히 감기나 독감을 앓듯 신경성이려니 몸이너무 약해져서 그러려니 지나쳐~ 그리고 몇년 후 극장에서 영화를 보다가 흉악한 범죄장면이 나왔는데 갑자기 숨쉬기가 힘들고 가슴이 벌렁벌렁 팔다리 힘빠짐 이러다 질식하지는 않을까 공포스러웠다 15분정도 지나니 괜찮음   지난여름 비행기를 탔는데 갑자기 숨쉬기가 힘들고 심장이 빠르게 뛰며 온몸에 혈압이 오르는듯한 머리는 멍하고 비행기 안에 사람은 많고 산소는 부족하다는 생각과 함께 질식할 것 같은 끔찍한 공포감에 옆에 어린 딸아이가 동승하고 있음에도 나는 오직 비행기 밖으로 뛰어내리고픈 간절함뿐 안절부절 어찌할바를 모르다가 결국 승무원에게 도움을 요청했다 비행기가 도착하고나서야 증세가 가라앉았으나 그 후 무더운 여름날씨 내내 때로는 경미하게 때로는 거세게 밀려오는 파도처럼 공황증세가 나타났다 특히 사람이 많은 장소 고속버스안 같은 장소에서 증상이 심하게 나타났고 피곤하거나 신경이 예민해져 있을때 주로 나타났고 이러다가 숨이 막혀 죽는 것은 아닐까 너무 고통스러워 발작하지는 않을까 불안했다 단지 위로가 되는건 더운여름이 지나가면 괜찮아지겠지하는 생각뿐·~ 그러던 지난 12월 집에서 남편과 비디오를 보던 중 또다시 가슴이 마구 뛰고 숨을 제대로 쉴 수 없고 가슴은 답답 ·온몸에 힘이 빠지는 증세가 20분 정도 지속 웅웅거리는 비디오 소리 등 방안에 있는 것이 견디기 힘들었고 비디오를 끄고 거실로 나와서야 진정되었다 그날 이후 온몸에 힘이 없고 입맛도 떨어져 밥먹는 일조차 힘들어었고 느닷없이 공황이 오지는 않을까 늘 불안했고 엘리베이터 고속버스  사람이 많은 폐쇄된 장소 등에 가면 불안감은 더욱 커져 증세가 재발하고는 했다  이대로 가다가는 도무지 감당할 수 없는 큰 병이 될 것같아 심장검사부터 시작하여 뭔가 해결책을 찾으려던 중 가까운 이웃엄마와 대화 중 공황장애와 비슷한 증세 같다며 그대로 놔두면 우울증과 자살까지가는 무서운 병이라는 얘기를 들었다 그날 밤 나는 인터넷 정보를 통해 오랜시간동안 앓아 왔던 정체불명의 병이 공황장애였음을 알게 되었다 그리고 이 병은 약물치료에만 의존해선 안되는 보다 근본적인 방법인 인지행동치료를 받아야 한다는 것을 알았다 긴 시간 나의 목을 조여왔던 공황에서 탈출하기위해 당장 이치료를 받기로 결심했다    의지를 가지고 적극적으로 한다면 반드시 완치할 수 있다고 확신하며 치료를 도와주실 원장 선생님 양명화 선생님 감사드림니다 12주동안 잘 부탁드릴께요                          
그동안 저보다 더큰 고통 고민 속에 힘들었을 14기 멤버 여러분 화이팅!!!